Five Simple Steps to Great Joy in this World of Sorrow
One of the most memorable short stories I published in bOING bOING (the print zine) was a story by Wayne Allen Brenner called "Alphabet Noir," in which the narrator described the breakdown of his relationship with his former girlfriend in a series of small chapters, labeled A through Z.
Recently Brenner sent me a wildly inventive story he wrote and published in the form of a small pamphlet titled "Five Simple Steps to Great Joy in this World of Sorrow." Very well made, It looks just like the kind of crank religious booklet that was common in the pre-internet era, and the writing style is inspired by those supremely self-assured kooks who write pamphlets that promise to reveal the secrets of life.
Brenner's 8-page story is composed of five short chapters, labeled Step 1 through Step 5. Each step begins with a command to do something, followed by an explanation that sometimes includes a reference to mysterious, evil entities who manipulate gravity to their gain and humanity's loss.
Excerpt:
"Step One"The first thing you need to do is this: Let this document fall..."
"That's right, hold it in front of yourself and let it fall to the ground. Make sure you watch it fall--watch it closely, now--and make sure it falls all the way, make sure it actually hits the ground. If it hits the ground, then you know gravity is still at work, that everything's doing what it's supposed to do, and then you're free to move on to the next step."
As far as I know, the only way to get copies of this wonderful document is by sending one dollar to:
The Department of Gravitational Assurance
P.O. Box 4942
Austin, TX 78765
